ConGRADulations

Dear Scott,

Since you are now a college graduate (cum laude, I just have to add) and I have yet to give you a present I wanted to tell you what I wish for you. I wish that you will be happy and enjoy every minute of your life. I wish that you will continue to do great things. I know that you will succeed at anything you do and that you will impress everyone that you meet with your kindness, compassion and generosity. I wish that everyone will see you how I see you, as a man with an incredible heart and a good head atop his shoulders. Keep working hard and I know you can succeed at anything you put your mind to.While you are unsure about what your future holds, I know that you are going to be something great (-er than you already are).

You have been working at your job now for about four months and are already making great strides. Your clients love you, you are good at what you do, and people trust in you. In the profession you have chosen trust is crucial. Your clients trust you with, essentially, their lives. Even in such a little time you have established wonderful relationships with your clients and are already making a difference in their lives.

I think that you have one of the best jobs that there could be. I envy you because you get to help people do one of the hardest things possible: feel good about themselves. And I know that you do. That is a wonderful thing. I know this because you constantly help me to feel good about myself and there is really no way to describe how wonderful you make me feel. If you give at least an ounce of that feeling to others then they are so, so, so lucky.

I’m so proud of you, Scott. Have I said that yet? And, in all seriousness, congratulations, my love. I am so happy and lucky to have a part in your life.

I love you,

Jennicus

Lost

I don’t have very many things that I consider precious; my grandmother’s diamond earrings, the ring Scott gave me only a month after we had been together, my camera, maybe a few other things, but not many. However, Friday night I lost one of those things and I am heartbroken about it.

January 17, 2005. I was at Scott’s apartment and we were watching a movie. All of a sudden he disappears upstairs then comes back down and hands me a note. It is the first clue to a scavenger hunt. I thought it was the greatest thing on Earth. He had me running around the apartment searching for the other clues, it was so funny. When I got to the last clue I knew exactly where the end was and I ran to find it. There was a note there, smaller than all the other ones. It read, “Are you falling in love with me, too?” I really couldn’t believe it, how special was this? I was so excited I ran downstairs and kissed him.

“Did you get it?” he says.

“I got the clue,” I told him.

“No, go back up”

Needless to say, I went back upstairs and where the clue was a tiny ring was hanging. And it was beautiful.

Fast forward.

May 12, 2006. It was a fun, drunken night. Extremely rare for me, seeing as how I rarely go out and rarely drink. It was so much fun. There are details, I am sure, but I don’t remember them. What I do remember, despite the Worst Hangover of my Life, is that I woke up and did not have the ring on. We searched and searched every single inch of this apartment. I made Scott take apart the sink pipes and everything. We still haven’t found it.

It’s really not the ring that I miss, and despite the loneliness that my finger feels, I miss that I could look down at my finger and see the ring and think back to that night. I miss that I would instantly be reminded that someone loves me enough to give me this ring. And I lost it. It just kills me because I don’t remember a damn thing that happened or what I could have possibly done with it. This really wouldn’t have ever happened if I were sober, or not nearly as intoxicated.

Now, when I look down at my finger I am just heartbroken. I don’t care, you can say that I am overreacting but I cannot tell you how much the ring means to me. The search will continue– I refuse to surrender another item to the Place Where the Lost Things Go.

In your eyes I see what’s on my mind

In my twenty one years of life I have never found a person that could understand me quite as well as you do. It might be difficult to understand, but I have never felt that anyone has understood me fully and completely. There is always some aspect of me that people can't grasp, even though I think that I am not that complicated a person. But, you know, there is always something that causes people to either say "what the fuck is she thinking?" or "why would anyone do that?" or "God, how can she not think that is so gross?" Not with you. With you I feel normal, I feel like I can share my soul with you and you will know exactly what I am thinking. We can finish each other's sentences. There is always laughter and fun and silliness. And love, there's so much love. I feel safe; I know that you'll always be there. We share the same quirks and secret loves. I look at you and see myself. I know that when you read this post you won't see how jumbled and rambling it is, and instead see that it comes straight from my heart and you will understand what I'm talking about and feel the same way.

And that's how I know and it is a beautiful thing.

I heart the goalie

The sound you hear is my heart exploding

On Sunday Scott and I went over to Nashua for his niece Katie's birthday party. She is now eight. These are some of my favorites:

It’s so simple

I am so in love.

Reasons Why I Cannot Wait To Move

Ever since I was a tiny baby I’ve moved around. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever lived in the same place for more than 4 years. In 21 years of life that is a lot of moving, especially considering some people at this school have not even left the good old state of Massachusetts.

Anyway in 3 years at the same school (gasp!) I have lived in 2 dorms and 1 apartment. The dorms were just plain disgusting. I mean the type of disgusting where the Resident Assistants have to post signs on the door of the bathroom that look like this:

Ok, so after those 2 obligatory dorm-living years were over I made the great decision to move to a nearby apartment complex with my wonderful boyfriend. He had already been living in this particular apartment for 2 semesters so it was an easy move; we didn’t have to waste time searching for an apartment or anything like that. The only problem we encountered was that it is a 3 bedroom, and only being 2 people, we would need another person or else pay the extra rent, with was out of the question. So, we posted an ad and got 1 response; we got our third person. Yippee. I think we all know how that turned out because I posted about it yesterday.

Next semester Scott and I are getting our very first 2 bedroom apartment. And I’m so excited about it. With all that said, I can’t wait to move because:

-If there is a mess it will be our mess.
-When we come in at night we can turn out the lights.
-I think that somehow we will be able to bond even more through cleaning the bathroom and such things.
-I will be living with the most wonderful and handsome man. Ever. Don’t think I’m kidding.
-The new place will allow us to flush a toilet while the shower is running without the person in the shower screaming loudly at the top of their lungs. That would be cool.
-Maybe I will unpack all my stuff, instead of having boxes stacked in the closet ready to move at a moment’s notice.
-Organization.
-A cute tablecloth and maybe slipcovers for the sofa.
-Our own decorations.
-Maybe it will be cozy and cute, instead of living in something that can only be described as a cardboard house with stark-white walls.
-Dare I say it…. Painted walls??

I’m sure the list will grow and I will keep you updated.

A Festival for the Rest of Us

I have never believed in soul mates. However, two people can fit together and ‘work’ as a couple more than other people. It is my belief that two people need to work very hard to make a relationship work. Give and take, that’s just how it goes. Compromise. Understanding. Love. And friendship, most importantly. Luckily I have found all that in one person and my life could not be more complete. As much as I would love to gush and brag about how fabulous he is, that is not the point of this post.

Now, I know that most people (like myself) think that this day is a Hallmark holiday, which it very well may be. However, I think that maybe the Hallmark people got something right. Aside from wanting to make money on card, chocolate, and teddy bear sales, the idea of taking time to show the people you love how much you love them is a good one.

If you love someone, one day is simply not enough to show them that. Show them every day. To me, it’s always the little things rather than the big things that mean the most; little things that happen day-to-day. Opening doors, carrying the grocery bags, cleaning up, making dinner, etc. Those are the things that are important.

Now, I’m not looking to preach, just take the opportunity to think about someone other than yourself during the day to show people how much you mean to them. Not just a lover, but members of your family and friends, or anyone who means anything to you for that matter. Tell your parents how much you appreciate them; tell your sister how much you value her friendship; your friends how awesome they are.

And so here it is, my ‘thank you’ to all of you on this day of love. Thank you for always being there for me and for your constant and unconditional love. And putting up with more than your share of sass. I love you all.

So Much Love

Meet Scotticus